I was meeting Deepa (name changed) for the first time. She wanted to consult me as she thought she was suffering from depression. She used to cry for hours, keep talking about the negative experiences, troublesome people, hurtful things that people spoke about in the past, and her interpretation and judgement of people for hours. She found herself obsessed with these thoughts and unable to focus on her office work.
In our first session, I noticed that she was constantly describing herself as जिद्दी (stubborn). When I asked her why you describe yourself as जिद्दी, she said because I don't listen to others. For example I wear what I want to wear, I eat what I want to eat, I studied what I wanted to study, I married whom I wanted to marry. This girl unquestionably accepted this label in her childhood and continues to behave in a way that will prove her label.
Then later in life enters another character in her life called "सासु मां, मम्मीजी" (mother-in-law). This lady again asks Deepa (who is now a highly educated, well-earning lady, a lady who stays abroad and supports her family financially now) to wear a dupatta all the time in the house, not give her opinion in family matters, must get up early in the morning, and again uses the same label जिद्दी.
This description of जिद्दी leads to so many questions.
• Can some children be labelled as जिद्दी if/she does not follow their parent's suggestions?
• This जिद्दी description, doesn't it show that the person is a thinker, has personal opinions about everything, is intelligent, has great self-awareness, is a pursuer, doesn't want to follow others blindly, is full of confidence?
• Why a child labelled as जिद्दी, कामचोर (one who avoids work), आलसी (lazy), etc. continues to behave in the same way and why can't he/she shade off these labels in his/her mind? Why can't he/she free himself/herself from these childhood labels?
• Why do these labels have a long-lasting impact on our psyche?
I do have my answers to these questions, but I want to know the reader's perspective as well. So please write your comments and enrich my and others understanding.
This is an interesting and quite debatable topic. In India, we live a life which is quite dominated by society and to some extent by our elders, parents. Everyone in the family has some kind of expectation on their child and especially with girl child its much more higher. Since the childhood they are being taught to do things in certain manner irrespective of whether they like it or not. This forcible act sometimes leaves a greater impact on child’s psyche that may last long.